For St. Roxy on her 30th Birthday! With so much love from her younger and wiser husband the Holy Father.

Just as the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, the turd never drops far from the shitter, particularly in the case of rectal slime baby and current Republican presidential candidate George W. Bush. Just "Junior" splashes down to join his father, former President George Bush (Asshole of the Month, November 1988), in the toilet of infamy as HUSTLER's Holiday 2000 Asshole of the Month.
While no intelligent person would doubt that Dubya has spent a lifetime cruising on Papa Bush's fumes, only a fool will deny that W. has earned his crown of sphincters all by himself.
As a "compassionate conservative," Bush promises to "usher in the responsibility era" and "blow the whistle on failure." This is big talk, coming from a hemorrhoid whose family connections have allowed him to sidestep responsibility like so much dog shit. If a whistle blew for every one of Dubya's failures, every American would be deaf, and free from this septic gasbag's effeminate whining.
After being waved through his father's alma maters at Andover and Yale-where the "unexceptional student" reportedly seemed "to have majored in drinking"-Junior dodged the Vietnam draft in 1968 by signing up for the Texas Air National Guard.
At the time, the Guard had a year-and-a-half waiting list in Texas, but George, whose father was then a Houston congressman, was ushered into flight school, despite scoring 25% on the pilot-aptitude test.
Last year, the Los Angeles Times suggested that strings had been pulled to spur G. W.'s incredible lucky streak in the Guard. The candidate shot back, "There was no special treatment." When further scrutiny indicated that a family crony had exerted influence, Spurious George's story changed to a limp-wristed, "All I know is anybody named George Bush did not ask...for help."
George of the Bungle continuously failed upward during his entrepreneurial years. A series of oil ventures invariably flopped, but with a father in the White House, the gilded fuckup encountered no shortage of sycophants to further fund his ineptitude. Bush bailed out of the last such firm, Harken Oil and Gas, with a suspected insider trade that sparked an SEC investigation. When the apparent impropriety was exposed in 1994, Bush hid behind his mother as she addressed the allegations. "It makes me pretty darn mad," Babs fumed over the questioning of her son's honesty.
W. must have inherited his reaction to criticism from his mother. "There ought to be limits to freedom," W. snarled in May 1999 because a parody Web site mocked his hypocrisies.
The candidate was more supportive of turd-hurling disinformation this past March, when Texas bigwigs Sam and Charles Wyly, who had contributed more than $200,000 to Bush's gubernatorial campaigns, issued furtively funded attack ads aimed at Bush rival John McCain.
"This is America, where they can express their opinion," said snide W.
But honest journalistic inquiries into allegations of past cocaine use make Georgie squirm like a cell-block bitch. Bush puked up a series of feeble nondenials, waffling, "when I was young and irresponsible, I was young and irresponsible."
In 1994, he sniffed at a reporter, "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. What's the difference?"
The difference is obvious to nearly 30,000 citizens who were arrested in Bush's Texas for cocaine possession in 1998. The governor, who maintains that "incarceration is rehabilitation," approved legislation allowing judges to sentence first-time offenders possessing less than a gram of cocaine to six months in jail. The question must be asked: How would six months of rehabilitative incarceration have improved Bush as a presidential candidate?
"Compassion" has also led W. to sign off on 134 death warrants since becoming governor in 1995. His hit list includes two mentally retarded inmates, one of whom had the reasoning skills of a seven-year-old, just a cunt hair shy of Dubya's estimated intelligence.
Jesus Christ-Bush's favorite philosopher-once counseled, "Whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them."
If George W. is really following Christ's example, his actions indicate a desire to be locked up and fried. The unfortunate reality is that Dumbya's taking his father's lead, which means that he's just another Asshole turning his cheek to blow a stale fart in democracy's face.