From the Fairy King

The Theory of Cloyance:
The Effects of Earth’s Rotation on the Intellectually Challenged
For the past several years I have watched and learned how stupid people,
particularly those who have absolutely no business behind the wheel of a
motorized vehicle, tend to cut corners when turning to the east or the
west. This results in hitting curbs or cars in oncoming traffic lanes,
plus the occasional phonepole and pedestrian.

The reason? These people are trying to compensate for the rotation of
the planet when they turn. The result is a person too stupid to drive
but too ignorant to realize it. This is a naturally occurring effect on
stupid people, which I refer to as Cloyance: the effects of Earth’s
rotation on the intellectually challeneged.

Do you suffer from Cloyance?
The effects of Cloyance are fairly easy to spot. Symptoms include:
• Confusion when dealing with animate or inanimate objects.
• General stupidity when interacting with people.
• Overcompensation when turning east or west, resulting in collision
with inanimate or animate objects (such as curbs) or people.
• Sudden loss of gravity, resulting in spontaneously being thrown into
the air for no apparent reason… usually the direct result from an
unexpected impact with an inanimate or animate object or person,
whether real or imagined.
• Sudden overcompensation or undercompensation with the rotation of the
Earth… resulting with unexpected impacts with doors, walls and/or china
cabinets (particularly with the toe).
• Spontaneous combustion do to natural occurring phenomenon… such as
breathing.
• Spontaneous combustion when employing open flames near flammable
objects or materials… such as lighting a cigarette at a gas station
while pumping gas.
• Opening a door on a passenger airliner to smoke a cigarette while in
flight… at several thousand feet above sea level.
• Choking on pretzels…I mean come on, who the hell chokes on
pretzels???

In some field studies, participants have undercompensated in relation to
the Earth’s rotation and had to hold on the objects such as flagpoles
and cars to keep from being violently thrown into walls and other
inanimate or animate objects. In a lot of field studies, most
participants have been unable to form a single intelligent or coherent
thought.

Through careful analysis of this naturally occurring affect I have come
to the conclusion that all stupid people must die. Otherwise, we will
continue to experience stupid people driving on the wrong side of the
road, smashing into our homes, generally being morons (both in public
and in private), and with willfully choosing to become a republican or
a democrat.

Lobby your congressman today to put an end to stupid people.
Do your part in helping to make a brighter, more intelligent future for
our country and our world.